my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
