Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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