I cannot find my penis.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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