chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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