I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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