Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize