Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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