I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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