That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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