im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Boobs are out for the taking
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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