It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize