I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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