That's when you crack a 10am beer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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