You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize