i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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