God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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