I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
