You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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