I heard we made out
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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