i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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