Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize