He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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