hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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