Me. At least after what I've been through.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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