Don't you send me to vm
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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