i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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