I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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