I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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