Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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