I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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