what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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