Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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