he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
