Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sext me about skeletons
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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