I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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