I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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