Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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