You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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