you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize