Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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