Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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