I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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