1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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