they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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