roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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