My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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