Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize