One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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