Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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