if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize