But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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