I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize