Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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